it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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