I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
