i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
