This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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