Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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