When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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