he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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