I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
