pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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