So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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