yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
