He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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