lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
