I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
