I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
