u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
