It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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