Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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