Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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