You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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