I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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