you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
