i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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