i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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