I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
