if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
