True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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