Non-Jews are for practice
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
