Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
