Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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