his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
