Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does