What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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