I heard we made out
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness