I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.