im drinking this country out of the recession.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome