I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks