i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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