I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.