How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.