once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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