and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
