Too much gin, very little bucket
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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