I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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