today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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