i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
