He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
