I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
4 words: hood of his car
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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