Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
