i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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