Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
