i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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