bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
