Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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