god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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