The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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