wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
