I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
