i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
