I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
