Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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