It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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