if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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