The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
