I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
