Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
