I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
