I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize