Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
