I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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