Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
