what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
