Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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