OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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