new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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