You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize