my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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