so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
