can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
