She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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