I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
