So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think your dad took our porno
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize