i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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