I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
