we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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