Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
