I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
and you fell through a lawn chair
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
