nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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