you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
