so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
